There’s an App For That

Well, I have my Motorola Droid, and for the most part, I love it. I have a few gripes about it, but I’ll go into detail about that in my secondary review to be posted on GearLive.com.

What I’m really psyched about is this app I found called WPtoGo. It allows you to post to WordPress blogs like this one. I can view and edit older posts, view and review comments, and it even has some basic formatting tools.

So maybe I can post just a little more often on the personal blog, eh? We’ll see. Maybe write some more of my idle thoughts. I’ve worked very hard to tone the emo down, and it has become easier as I work through my divorce and find out who I really am. I believe I’ve made some great strides. I am a much different person than the man who struggled with self-hate and loathing, blaming himself for his cheating wife, unable to truly put the blame where it truly lied and wash his hands of it.

I lost a lot of friends along the way: those who hate me for who I was, and those who drop my various social network friendships for being tired of hearing my depressed rants and avoid me in person. It is unlikely I’ll get either group of people back, but in the end, I can only rely on myself.

So, we’ll see.

My Wedding Ring

This is a piece I wrote over a year ago.  I found it, and realized it is not posted publicly.  So, here it is, just as I wrote it back then.

When I was growing up, I was subjected to the usually comical routine of the Wedding Ring Dropped Down the Drain. The ring would be dropped or put or misplaced somewhere ridiculously difficult to get to, and the rest of the show/episode/story would play out the mishappenings of whoever was supposed to retrieve it, usually before Significant Other found out it was lost.

I was never understanding of why the wedding ring was a big deal. Then I learned how much they can cost… and “realized” that losing a wedding ring was the equivalent of accidentally dropping thousands of dollars into the sewer, never to be seen again. And that, to me, was the justification for said attempts at retrieval of said item.

I had been thinking recently, looking at the wedding ring on my left hand, thinking of my wife, gone thousands of miles away. I find it interesting to note that until now, I never ever considered the emotional attachment of a wedding ring.

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Have I Not Changed Since High School?

Through sheer coincidence, I received an email (completely on accident, intended for another Dan) from a friend’s mother I have not seen since I was 14 or 15.  Have not talked to her since then at all, and my friend hasn’t had a lot of positive contact since then either.  But through a couple innocent exchanges, she sent an email that completely rocked my world and made me think. was it all my fault?  Do I not know how to choose them?  Am I wrong to look for a stable, loyal relationship?

Take a look, and give me your thoughts. 

Let me set the context.

Her:

You sound like you are doing ok.  I know things were a little whacky for you growing up, I guess for everyone in one way or another.

Me:

Thank you, things are doing okay, for the most part.  I am getting over a nasty breakup and divorce that I’m still processing through, but other than that, I have good friends and a great job in as a consultant and instructor for a tech firm.  I live and work in Philadelphia.

Her:

A divorce??? You are so young!  I didn’t even know you were married.  I remember you used to plan marriage very early but something always went wrong with the girls as I recall.  That’s really too bad.  You seemed to me like someone who just wanted to have a family.  You have a lot of years ahead of you to find the right woman. 

Me:

Yeah, that’s exactly what happened, just to a more adult end than it did in high school.  I guess I really have not changed much.

Then, that prompted this response, which, I’m not even sure how to respond to, it’s caused a lot of thinking.  It was uncanny, how she found this much insight into my situation based on what she knew of me when I visited my friend at her house one summer back in high school.  Notice the part I underlined, i thought it interesting to point that part out.

Her:

Dan, it’s NONE of my business, but have you ever thought about how MAYBE the desire to have a happy family of your own might be coming from some unresolved stuff from your own family that you grew up in, and that you might be attracted to, or attracting, the wrong sorts of girls?  Maybe, in order to have a better outcome, instead of looking for another girl, you might want to look at your life and yourself… not necessarily in therapy unless you are into that, but just self examination for example.  maybe think about what felt good and what felt bad in your family, try to see if you are doing any of the less than positive things in your own life that happened in your family home, just look at the whole thing.  Ask yourself did those girls have anything in common, ie do you have a type you are attracted to?  What did you like about them, what did you dislike?  I bet they all cheated, I get the feeling that at the least they all let you down in some way.  Maybe they are lacking loyalty, dedication, maturity???  Maybe you might be moving fast and might be intense for girls of such an age?  If you really want to get married for good reasons, and that’s who you are, have you considered looking in churches etc for girls who were raised to believe that after high school they should look to settle down and become wives, not necessarily go out and be free and run around, or even go to college?  These days, girls more and more are taught that they don’t have to depend on men and get married, that they can take care of themselves and not get married, they can go have fun like men have fun.  The statistics for females cheating is rivaling male cheating now.  I’m not saying that I’m for or against early marriage and any one type of mindset, but I was wondering how you might wind up finding someone that it would work with and be happy.  of course, you could put the whole serious relationship thing on the back burner yourself and realize you are really very young and you do have so much time.  A lot of men don’t even think of marriage these days until they are in their late 30’s, early 40’s, then they marry a woman young enough to still give birth without difficulty which is the way it was done a couple of centuries ago right up to the 1950’s!  It’s just some thoughts.  I always hated to see/ hear that you were heart broken, again.  You struck me as a good kid.

There is no will save to keep living. Only living.

Things seem to be going well lately.  I still struggle from time to time with the pain of my marriage, and, no matter what anyone says, there is that little voice in the back of my head that says that I am still married, and that I’m a complete failure for not saving it.  My counselor says that is normal, but I can’t possibly save something that only one person wants, when the other party was never remotely serious about it.

I turn my pain and energy elsewhere.  I still go to the gym regularly.  I’ve started DMing a dungeons and dragons campaign that folks seem to be enjoying.  Savannah is scheduled to be here on the 23rd of January, and I’m looking forward to that.  Then, finally, I have a couple of friends in Cleveland who want me to come visit, so once I have my calendar set properly, I intend to go out there in February.

The websites are pretty much completed, and I can get back to my writing.  At least, that is my intention.  I have a piece that just needs me to sit down and work on it and post it up, its mostly done.  It is a BEFORE piece, much like Scout’s Honor, a story of Cerberus and Tailz before the events of Spheric.

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We’ve Been Framed!

Today, I joined the staff at the new site We’ve Been Framed.  I’m not entirely sure what direction it is going in, but the site’s owner, Edwin, showed me the concept that he had already had for a couple years, and I had to get in on it!

So look for comics put together and posted by Dan Hughes over there!  The Lifestream to the right will have an entry when I’ve posted on We’ve Been Framed.  Please feel free to visit and view the comics already going up!

Great Weekend!

Although lack of sleep is the prominent issue at the moment, this weekend was a lot of fun.

Friday night was me and Ken and Edna staying up late to clean the house so that we could have guests over.  We had some music playing, and everyone worked together.  We got a whole lot accomplished, and were rather proud of ourselves.  I got to bed at 4 A.M.

Waking up at 10 A.M. (which, for me, six hours is not good for sleep ), I headed out to New Jersey to pick up my two youngest brothers, who were hanging out with me for the day.  Back in Pennsylvania, we gamed for a while until it was time for the Ravens-Titans game.  We broke out all the snacks, and our friends showed up.  Jacob and Johanna came, and so did Edwin, along with a friend of his who I thought was pretty awesome and got on well with everyone there.

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Legend of the Seeker

A new show on Hulu from ABC, called “Legend of the Seeker” is your typical medieval-with-magic with EVERY cliché you can think of: a witty and comical wizard, a beautiful magic-wielding damsel, the old blind witch-doctor, the faithful fighter companion, dark evil preparing for its ruling of the world, dark mystery, good and evil, friendship and betrayal, love and hatred, protection and sacrifice, and of course the courageous hero who, armed with a book of secrets and his trusty magic sword inherits his previously-unknown heritage and destiny to save the world, single-handedly.

And I love it.

Devil, the Rivercat

I spoke to my coworker who took my cats into his family for me when I moved a few months back.  It really made me feel good, that they are all getting along and loving the cats.  I walked up and asked how they were doing, and he looks at me and says “Are you sure Devil isn’t a rivercat?”

I was not sure how to answer, so he explained.  He and his wife apparently went to the zoo and saw a rivercat, who apparently enjoys water, and they said it bore some resemblance to Devil.

But the physical resemblance was not all: Devil loves to play in the water!  I had mentioned this when I gave the cats to them, but I guess it is really coming to light now.  Devil apparently “mops the floor” with the water dish, splashing water everywhere, and is absolutely enthralled with the running water in the shower.  He said that sometimes it seems like Devil’s just gonna jump in the shower!

It brought back a lot of good memories.  I miss them, and I miss being a real family, with my wife.  Good times.

First Day of Work in the New Year

…is incredibly slow.  But who would have said otherwise?

I spent the majority of today finishing the new designs on the websites.  I found two new themes that I was absolutely enthralled with, and have been tweaking non-stop.  Made some internal changes, ditched the guestbook over at Spheric which was just collecting dust, and rolled out the new designs today.  Comment, give me your opinions!

Throughout that time, just thinking about life in general.  I wrote a goodbye letter to Dewi.  People may hate me, but I did literally everything I could to save my marriage.  Unfortunately, she simply didn’t want the same thing since the day we were married, and lied and cheated the whole time.  Well, she finally gave me an explanation on Christmas Eve.  She said, and I quote.  “Cheating is in my nature.  It is who I am.  YOU wouldn’t let me sleep with anyone else.  There are men out there who are okay with that.”

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Retreat

This weekend, I’ll be taking some time off of everything.  Life, work, writing, all of it.  I’m not bringing my laptop, and I’m going to turn my phone off when I get there.  I thought it would be nice to just focus on myself and the then and there for a while, without the constant pressure that society thrusts upon me.

A lot of thinking I’ve done recently.  I’m an emotional man, and wear my emotions out on my sleeves.  If I am upset, or angry, or sad, it’s out there, for all to see.  Recently, I was angry, and for good reason.  I said some things that, in hindsight, I wish I had not.  However, we all have those moments.  Those people who are my true friends understood, and stood by me.  They saw the pain and anguish, and although they firmly disagreed with the things I did, they helped me learn and change it.

The rubbish who scorned and were disgusted by my actions are entitled to their opinions, and have removed themselves from my life.  At first, I took it personally, but then I realized, that these people obviously don’t know me like my friends do, and know that I am a good man at heart, and I acted out in anger.  This is a natural phenomenon I like to call being human.  It is not as if I am saying they are not capable of understanding this, just that they did not know who I am well enough to discern the difference.  They were not my friends.

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A Serious Entry: My Life and My Friends

Crossposted from The Riddlers’ Lounge.

Some of you have known things have been going on in my life, to varying levels of knowledge.  Some of you have been at my side continuously, others just brief intervals where you’ve gleaned something was wrong.  Depending on my mood, which was usually depressed, I may or may not have explained, usually with a curt, "I don’t want to talk about it.". Even then I was respected and left be, as I desired.

This makes me feel bad on some fronts.  It’s not that I didn’t want you to care, it’s because it hurt to discuss it.  This happened most recently to McKay, aka ChiaPetOfBorg, who messaged me out of the blue one day after a long time.  Any other time, this would have been awesome, but I was still having trouble at the time.  McKay:  I’m sorry.

But today, I got something really special.  I received an email, put together jointly by some of the most prominent and respected members of this board, supporting me and sharing their happier memories and attitudes with me.  A few of them already knew and were already coaching me daily, others were not as in the know and expressed the desire to show their compassion and care.

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meme(me)

• Take a picture of yourself right now.
• Don’t change your clothes, don’t fix your hair…just take a picture.
• Post that picture with NO editing.
• Post these instructions with your picture.

Haven’t shaved in a while… :S

Goodbye, Jack Thompson

THANK YOU.

After all of the horrible attacks on video games as the source of children’s misbehavior, this nutcase has finally been taken down.  It always amazed me how he could spout such nonsense. 

If children play very violent video games, can they themselves have some kind of outward effect on society?  Absolutely!  But the solution was never to ban the games themselves.  No!  There are MANY types of available media that can cause these types of things: gory and sexual movies, books, music, television, AND video games.  It is up to the PARENT’S to decide what their children do!

Do you think my dad was gonna let me buy BMX XXX because it was a video game?  (Bad example: that game sucked, even for softcore porn.)

Unfortunately, it seems he’s not “done” yet.  He’s not allowed in the courts, but he still has a big mouth.  We’ll see what he does with his supposed fame.

~Dan

Sacramento Ho!

No, it is not déjà vu.  I am going to Sacramento this time, not Cleveland.  Due to developments in my personal life (read: being left behind and abandoned without a word or a chance in hell), I have now a lot of vacation time I was saving up for a trip to the Netherlands to be with my wife. 

So, I’m going to California instead.  I’ve been swamped with requests so far from folks, so please let me know if anyone wants time with me.  I have two weeks reserved in October: October 11th thru the 25th.  I also look forward to spending a weekend or so in San Francisco.  Let me know: it will be like the good old days.

7 years ago…

This was posted by one of my coworkers this morning, and I fully and wholeheartedly support the brave men and women of the time, both those who were going about their day, and those who sprang into action afterwards.

The time of the posting of this message is approx. 08:46:53, on September 11, 2008.

It was at this very moment 7 years ago that an event which would forever change the lives of us as Americans would begin to unfold.  At that very moment, FDNY battalion chief 1 Joe Pfeiffer transmitted an alarm to Manhattan Fire Alarm Dispatch relating what had happened in front of his eyes 15 seconds earlier.  This event would lead to the eventual death of 2,974 people, some members of various agencies in New York and at the Pentagon, but a majority of which were civilians who were just going about their business and were just in the wrong place at the wrong time, or happened to pick the wrong flight to get on.

Let us take a moment on this day to remember these events and those who lost their lives during them.